Legless wonder

I have had a lot of time to think since they cut my leg off. I know that it was the right decision because I have very little pain.  Before I had to take lots of narcotics just to function.  Now I take no narcotics.  It is a great feeling to know that I don't those drugs in my system.  It is also great that I have eliminated six pills from my daily regimen.  I am on the right path but it isn't easy.  There are days were getting out of bed is nearly impossible. If there had been an easier solution to my situation I would have taken it. It took me three years to come to this decision.

A new year

This new year is one that I hope is better than the last. The last was horrible. I lost my loving grandmother and suffered through horrible surgeries. I wish for this year to not have any surgery emergency or other wise. The children are doing extremely well in school this year. They are learning and growing so fast that it is hard to keep up. Little Lulu is growing so fast that she has already out grown the clothes that she got for her birthday in september. Blessings to everyone and I promise to post more often.

The worst pain ever

Ok so I thought that I had suffered a lot in my life but there is nothing that could have prepared me for the pain that followed my most recent surgery. I described it at one point to my father, who loving stayed with me in the hospital the whole time, that it felt like there was an elephant sitting on my ankle. I could feel every incision and every screw. It was horrific. They had to keep giving me morphine and oxycodone just for me to lay there with out crying. My father paced back and forth several times and looked as if he were going to explode. I could tell he wanted to help me, but there was nothing he could do. Him being there was more than enough. I don't think I would have been able to make as well as I did on my own. He really was a life saver for me. I hope that none of you ever have to experience 1/10th of what I went through.

court

Court was a great success. We walked away with primary residence and child support. They haggled over the amount of the child support for over an hour and half. She lied of course about her income but in the end it did her no good. She didn't want to be put on the stand because she couldn't lie. The haggling was over 6 dollars if you can believe that. Oh well. It feels great to have vindication. Maybe some of the stress in my life will be less. That would be great. I like the idea of not having to talk about going to court or what the order might say. That is nice. So in total everything is going well.

Therapy

So Jason and I have been seeing a family counselor for about a month now. We started so we could get some help understanding how to deal with our kids. In the process we found that we needed some help with our own relationship. Today we went to see him and found out that we were arguing all week about something that could have been solved easily. We have to stop mind reading each other and placing thoughts that are not necessary. It confuses the real message coming from the other person. He actually stopped us just prior to a fight to make us realize that we were not that far off from understanding each other. We had the same train with the same basic knowledge but we turned in different directions. Understanding each other gave me a simple peace of mind. I hope that I can put it into practice and empower my husband instead of the opposite.

today

Ok so today isn't the best day for me. I have been feeling low all week. My grandmother is now in the hospital. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I hate this house. I hate my wheelchair. I hate everything right now. I spent most of the day yesterday crying my eyes out. Yet no one but my parents really seemed to care. I don't know what it is going to take to get me out of this funk. UGH

new car

So I must love the hubby a lot. Yesterday I took it upon myself to shop for and purchase a pickup truck from my bed. We have had a windstar mini van for the last three years. We both hate it. I feel like a scum bag when I'm in it. So I decided that enough was enough and I called the company we bought it from. I asked them to work the numbers and see if they could find me a truck instead. They did. They found a 2006 ford f150. This truck is a beauty. It is black and has a bedliner and cover. When it arrived last night my hubby jumped in it and didn't come back for an hour. When he got home he told me that he didn't think I could understand how much he loved his truck. He was actually glowing. I love to make him happy. Lately I've been doing too much to make him happy. I exhaust myself trying to make his job easier. I need to learn to get better first. He is a big boy and can handle a month of having to be mom and dad right? At least that is what everyone keeps telling me.

new year

well it's a new year. Is everything going to be new this year? I hope so. I hope that things fall in line and my life will start being more what I want it to be. I can't wait to try my wii fit plus. I also can't wait to get started on trying to have a baby. It will be difficult and painful but I am ready. I want to have a little one who is a little version of me and not someone who can be taken away. I love my step kids but having your own is so different. I really can't wait.

annoying step daughter

have you ever been tortured by a 10 year old girl? I have. As a matter of fact she is doing it now...she thinks that hitting me and drooling on me is fun. Not so much. I love her very much but she can be annoying. I mean nail grinding on the chalk board annoying. Right now she doesn't like that I'm writing about her. She keeps trying to delete what I am writing. She doesn't realize that it is a compliment to be in this blog. I haven't written about anyone else other than her dad. She should be happy. Oh well. On the whole she is a very good kid. She tries very hard in school and does her best to be on her best behavior when we are out in public. I realize it must be difficult for her because she has two homes. I had the advantage of having one home. I can't even imagine how hard it is to have your parents split up at age 5. I mean you know they are mom and dad but they aren't together anymore. How on earth they functioned past the divorce is beyond me. They do great though. They are challenged all the time with the differences between their parents. It must be like being caught between two rocks. They want to love both parents but how can you be loyal to both parents? It is such a hardship for a child to have to deal with. They amaze me most every day. I hope in the future they will understand the lengths to which their father and I have gone to make their lives as normal and stable as humanly possible.

Torture

So my wonderful in-laws got me the perfect gift for christmas. However, because I just had surgery I can't use it. I have to sit here and watch my entire family play it. UGH... I am happy though that they are getting the exercise they need. The wii fit plus keeps track of there weight and bmi and it has some great games to play. So the tortue will go on for another month then it will be my turn and maybe I won't share...lol

Isn't he soo handsome?

Have you ever just looked at your husband and thought, "wow he is hot"? I found myself doing that earlier today. He was in our room changing his shirt and I just sat here and drooled. He is soo handsome. We have been together for five years and married for four years. I still desire him as much today as I did when we first met. I can even remember the first time I saw him. I drove to his house at night in winter. I must have been crazy because it took me 3 hours when it should have taken only an hour and half. That being said he came out of his house in monster garage pjs. He was tall, dark and handsome. I think I fell for him right then and there.
We have been through hell and back because of his ex wife, but I would trade the worst day with him for anything. He is my sun, moon and stars. I love you honey.

another day in bed

OMG another day in bed. It is so awesome sometimes being me!!! I have to sit in here in my room with my foot up in the air because I had surgery last friday. I hope that it will be the final surgery on my left foot but I'm not going to hold my breath. This time they fused the subtalar joint in my ankle. The whole thing is now fused together so there is no movement at all. My doctor actually said that I am going to be like a peg leg now. So there should be no pain because there is no movement. Some of my pain is nerve related. Therefore I don't expect to pain free. Stopping the cracking and giving out will be a plus though.

So here I will sit waiting for the next week to go by. UGH.

The beginning

So I watched the movie Julie/Julia and got inspired. Not that I think anyone will ever read this, but it could be cathartic for me. My crazy life revolves around a husband, 3 step-children, two dogs, two cats, 8 chickens, and a less than wonderful disability. I started on this particular journey about six years ago.

Six years ago I joined the US Army. I wanted to make it my career but sadly it was cut short but an injury. This injury is what gave me my handicap. Maybe in future blogs I will go into that, not right now. When I got out of the Army I moved to Maine. This is where I met my husband. He came ready made with a family, so it was diving straight into the deep end of the pool for me.

I went from being a single soldier to a married mother in minutes. Motherhood was something that I always dreamed of but not ever really thought it would happen for me. To have it happen all at once and three at once was overwhelming to say the least. It meant that I had to do some serious catching up to do. I was programmed into drill sergeant mode and that is not good for three kids who are in between two warring parents.

So far this has definitely been the most challenging and rewarding job of my life. I know it will continue as will this blog.